i want to disappear, fall unending into the complete dark, i want no name spoken of me, no tear shed, i want all touch to be forgotten. i want to be devoured by alzheimers, rubbed out. i want to die a thousand deaths and over again, powder my bones, made meal for the birds. no, let them not eat me either. don’t shoot me into deep space in an aluminium can, don’t build a nuclear reactor on my grave. strike my steps, rubbish the fallen strands of hair. do not forgive me, do not notice. i never was nor should have been, and never will be again. i want to go, i want to leave now, i want no help nor hope but need it when need should amount to nil. no more questions, no more doubt, no more guilt, no more money, no more mornings, no more anything. man went to the moon and never returned. what chance have i got.